Fall (2005-2007)
You know, people say Autumn follows Summer, but for this post, I found Fall seems more appropriate.
I can't remember how it happened, but the service in the military destroyed me emotionally, socially and intellectually. As much I would like to blame the army for changing me, rather, I thank the military for exposing who I was at that time.
And I was insecure, selfish and snobbish. As the months passed by, I became darker and more obessive. I wanted to be respected and loved by any means necessary. So I was not above backstabbing and sabotaging people, in order to get a good grade on my army peer appraisal. Although it may sound stupid of me then, that was the way I saw the world.
But the same thing happened to me. I was also manipulated and plotted against. At that point of time, my heart demanded justice. But I halted myself. Why justice? Who am I to say something is more right than the other> To be fair, I tried arguing that all morality was relative, but somehow, that line of reasoning seemed weak to me. "Could there be a relative without an absolute?", I wondered.
And then there was another issue. After I was posted into my unit, I had a conversation about religions with some of my army friends. And painfully it was revealed how little I knew about the religions of the world. It was very easy for me to disbelief in caricatures, which was exactly the mental images of religions that I had. In other words, I was no true atheist-- I was ignorant.
So I decided to be agnostic, but I hated that term, as it seemed to imply that I didn't care about the issue. I did, so I went to the library often to read up on major religions. I read parts of the Bible, the Quran (the English translation), the Buddhist Sutras, but did not understand them. So I read books on them.
At that time I found Christianity most convincing as weirdly enough, I felt it was the most falsifiable. Here was a man claiming to be able to forgive the sins of all mankind, but to be God. If he really did the things he did, and said the things he said, then that would be really strong evidence for Christianity. On the other hand, if he never existed, never died or never came back from the dead, Christianity would instantly fall apart. (Interestingly, the Bible says the same thing in 1 Corinthians 15: 12-19).
So I checked up on mainstream scholarship (Roman historian Tacitus and Jewish historian Josephus) and discovered that this man Jesus probably did live and did die and did come back to life again. But to be honest at that time, I still hard trouble accepting the Christian God as the on true God. So I was a less strong atheist, a weak agonsitc and leaning towards Christianity.
One of my Christian friends then challenged me. If the historical Jesus was as the New Testament described him, who did I say He was? Was he mad (for thinking He was God)? Was he evil (for misleading us)? Was he God (as claimed by him)?
And I could not answer him. Maybe it just wasn't the season yet.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Conversion Story-- Summer
Summer (2001-2004)
So there I was in the summer of my academic growth. To my own surprise, I was excelling in almost every academic subject. I could not remember what it was like to struggle barely a year ago. I remeber feeling as if I was a different person. I graduated from secondary school, finishing the top 10% of the cohort, and went on top one of the best pre-universities in Singapore (Victoria Junior College). Although I was not anywhere near the top student of that school, I am preety proud of the way I progressed. Thanks to the school, the Debate Society, the Writers' Circle and the Science Research Society, my analytical and critical thinking skills improved and by far.
Nevertheless, I thought that God could be reasoned out. The world was such a pluralistic place; how can anyone religion be right? When I was taught evolution, I realised we removed God from the origin of species. Why did we need God, when nature could show itself to create? In my despair, I remembered praying alone in school, hoping God would send a sign. But there was none. No thunder, lightning or even rain fell from the sky.
"That's it!" I thought in my heart. I thought God did not exist. However, I kept it from my parents, and still attended church regularly. The strong didn't need God. I was strong, both academically, and intellectually, or so I thought.
Little did I know, after my summer, I was due for a fall.
So there I was in the summer of my academic growth. To my own surprise, I was excelling in almost every academic subject. I could not remember what it was like to struggle barely a year ago. I remeber feeling as if I was a different person. I graduated from secondary school, finishing the top 10% of the cohort, and went on top one of the best pre-universities in Singapore (Victoria Junior College). Although I was not anywhere near the top student of that school, I am preety proud of the way I progressed. Thanks to the school, the Debate Society, the Writers' Circle and the Science Research Society, my analytical and critical thinking skills improved and by far.
Nevertheless, I thought that God could be reasoned out. The world was such a pluralistic place; how can anyone religion be right? When I was taught evolution, I realised we removed God from the origin of species. Why did we need God, when nature could show itself to create? In my despair, I remembered praying alone in school, hoping God would send a sign. But there was none. No thunder, lightning or even rain fell from the sky.
"That's it!" I thought in my heart. I thought God did not exist. However, I kept it from my parents, and still attended church regularly. The strong didn't need God. I was strong, both academically, and intellectually, or so I thought.
Little did I know, after my summer, I was due for a fall.
Friday, June 04, 2010
Conversion Story -- Spring
Hello readers!
As promised, my next series of posts will be my personal story, of how I became Christian.
I will write it in probably a four to five part series. So without further ado, I let me begin.
Spring (1986--2000)
I am truly blessed and loved. My parents never fail to remind me about that fact through their words and deeds. I have a caring family who brought me up in a stable home. Although I was never well-to-do, at least the income my Dad brought into the family was enough for three full meals for the five of us.
I guess that's one of the blessings of a Chinese Christian family. My parents, although strict with me, also showed great affection for me, and I can never repay them for that.
However, between me and my siblings, my parents did note something different about me-- I had a keen mind that was always questioning. At least that was what my teachers, parents and my peers remembered of me.
For instance, when I was 6, my teacher read the story of Snow White to us, and all the kindergarten children were happy with the story except me.
"What happened to the woodcutter?" I recalled asking (or along that line).
The teacher asked what I meant, and I remembered telling her that if I were the queen who dispatched the woodcutter to kill Snow White and he let her go, I would have taken my revenge on him.
On another note, my parents noticed how interested I was with the natural world, raving about dinosaurs and observing the movement of ant colonies above ground. At that age, I marvel at the wonderness of nature and atrributed it to a divine Creator. At that age, the reason why I really wanted to study biology was to know God better. At that time, God was still an abstract concept
However, I was not a really a well-behaved, or disciplined student in my early days in secondary school. I guess it was because the friends I made in primary school and the fact that I did not need to work hard to get promoted to the next level. Sometimes, I wonder if my secondary two teacher ever forgave me for the horrid time I gave her.
Then I realised I had to work hard-- due to limited resources, my school only could offer 1 biology class for the students. And the class was only available for the top students. After the Secondary 2 mid-year examinations, it was revealed that I was ranked 100+ out of about 160 students. I had to jump over 60 positions in order to make the top class of 40.
So I gritted my teeth and I slogged hard. I started reading and spending more time in my work. After the final exams, I was ranked 16th, better than I expected, and I made it into the top class unexpectedly.
I attributed my success to God, but my spiritual life was unprepared for the summer of my personal ego to come.
As promised, my next series of posts will be my personal story, of how I became Christian.
I will write it in probably a four to five part series. So without further ado, I let me begin.
Spring (1986--2000)
I am truly blessed and loved. My parents never fail to remind me about that fact through their words and deeds. I have a caring family who brought me up in a stable home. Although I was never well-to-do, at least the income my Dad brought into the family was enough for three full meals for the five of us.
I guess that's one of the blessings of a Chinese Christian family. My parents, although strict with me, also showed great affection for me, and I can never repay them for that.
However, between me and my siblings, my parents did note something different about me-- I had a keen mind that was always questioning. At least that was what my teachers, parents and my peers remembered of me.
For instance, when I was 6, my teacher read the story of Snow White to us, and all the kindergarten children were happy with the story except me.
"What happened to the woodcutter?" I recalled asking (or along that line).
The teacher asked what I meant, and I remembered telling her that if I were the queen who dispatched the woodcutter to kill Snow White and he let her go, I would have taken my revenge on him.
On another note, my parents noticed how interested I was with the natural world, raving about dinosaurs and observing the movement of ant colonies above ground. At that age, I marvel at the wonderness of nature and atrributed it to a divine Creator. At that age, the reason why I really wanted to study biology was to know God better. At that time, God was still an abstract concept
However, I was not a really a well-behaved, or disciplined student in my early days in secondary school. I guess it was because the friends I made in primary school and the fact that I did not need to work hard to get promoted to the next level. Sometimes, I wonder if my secondary two teacher ever forgave me for the horrid time I gave her.
Then I realised I had to work hard-- due to limited resources, my school only could offer 1 biology class for the students. And the class was only available for the top students. After the Secondary 2 mid-year examinations, it was revealed that I was ranked 100+ out of about 160 students. I had to jump over 60 positions in order to make the top class of 40.
So I gritted my teeth and I slogged hard. I started reading and spending more time in my work. After the final exams, I was ranked 16th, better than I expected, and I made it into the top class unexpectedly.
I attributed my success to God, but my spiritual life was unprepared for the summer of my personal ego to come.
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Books I have read about Chrisitainity and other religions/philosophy
Hi readers,
Over the years, I have been reading a lot of books about Christianity. Although I am Christian, in a way I am interested in finding out what others view about religion/philosophy and Christianity in general.
So here's a list of the books I read so far, and a short review of them.
A) About Christianity
1) Mere Christianity
By C.S. Lewis
Even as Lewis speaks from the grave, his ideas were not outdated, leaving me speechless about Christianity. He presents Christianity without all its bells and whistles, muisc and lights, smoke and mirrors, and makes it clear, concise and reasonable.
This book is abptly named "Mere Christianity". I enjoyed the book, and appreciated his intelluctual honesty in his journey in coming Christian.
2) Reason for God
By Timothy Keller
This book is inspiring, and again presents the case of Christianity in a simple way.
Although not as extenisve on philosophy as Mere Christianity, it is simple and easy to read.
B) Science and Christianity
1) Finding Darwin's God
By Kenneth R. Miller
This book is more of a defence of Monotheism, rather than mainstream Christianity. It is an exciting read, especially if you are a science student.
That said, I didn't quite understand about the use of quantum theory in free will. The argument sounds like a God-of-the-gaps argument, which his book argues against throughout.
2) God's Undertaker: Has Science Buried God?
By John Lennox
A philosopher and mathematician, John Lennox handles the limits of science and religion, and the relations the two have.
It is quite a fair and balanced book, as he handles misconceptions thrown out by the New Atheists.
3) The Language of God
By Francis Collins
A nice, honest and personal view of God from the ex-head of the Human Genome Project. I appreciate Professor Collins's bravery in standing up for his faith to be counted.
That said, he struggles with some aspects of philosophy. For instance, his argument for morality sounds as if it is an argument from ignorance.
C) Atheism
1) God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything
By Christorpher Hitchens
This book was puzzling to me. At first it starts out as a platform than discussion, and then wraps the chracteristics of religion so bad, that I do not recognise it. For instance, the author makes it sound as if all bad things come from religion, and for the good things that happen, the religious people used secular principles for them. Case close. No further discussion needed.
That said, he makes good arguments against the participants of religion, rather than religion itself. For instance, how religion resulted in the War on Terror and the Crusades.
D) Islam
1) The Myth of the Cross
By A.D. Ajjola
This book examines the central claims of Christianity, but the version I borrowed from the library is riddled with many grammatical errors, making it a hard read.
Nevertheless, I did read it through and was appalled by the line of logic it makes. For example, it says that Jesus claiming to be the Son of Man does not make him divine, as Ezekiel was also called "son of man" in the book of Ezekiel. However, he does not bother to observe the differences of language (the captial letters, for one), the context, the audience and so on. Even if he could not bother to check the original Greek/Hebrew Bible manuscript, he could at least cite someone, which he does not either.
That said, it does give a rough explanation why my Muslim friends do not except Jesus as God.
The future?
Currently I am reading Can a Darwinian be a Christian? by atheist philosopher Michael Ruse. Unfortunately, I have yet to read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins (because it's on loan in the library). I have read about it (and a lot of other books) though.
I need to read up more about other religions, so if anybody can recommend me anything, go ahead.
Over the years, I have been reading a lot of books about Christianity. Although I am Christian, in a way I am interested in finding out what others view about religion/philosophy and Christianity in general.
So here's a list of the books I read so far, and a short review of them.
A) About Christianity
1) Mere Christianity
By C.S. Lewis
Even as Lewis speaks from the grave, his ideas were not outdated, leaving me speechless about Christianity. He presents Christianity without all its bells and whistles, muisc and lights, smoke and mirrors, and makes it clear, concise and reasonable.
This book is abptly named "Mere Christianity". I enjoyed the book, and appreciated his intelluctual honesty in his journey in coming Christian.
2) Reason for God
By Timothy Keller
This book is inspiring, and again presents the case of Christianity in a simple way.
Although not as extenisve on philosophy as Mere Christianity, it is simple and easy to read.
B) Science and Christianity
1) Finding Darwin's God
By Kenneth R. Miller
This book is more of a defence of Monotheism, rather than mainstream Christianity. It is an exciting read, especially if you are a science student.
That said, I didn't quite understand about the use of quantum theory in free will. The argument sounds like a God-of-the-gaps argument, which his book argues against throughout.
2) God's Undertaker: Has Science Buried God?
By John Lennox
A philosopher and mathematician, John Lennox handles the limits of science and religion, and the relations the two have.
It is quite a fair and balanced book, as he handles misconceptions thrown out by the New Atheists.
3) The Language of God
By Francis Collins
A nice, honest and personal view of God from the ex-head of the Human Genome Project. I appreciate Professor Collins's bravery in standing up for his faith to be counted.
That said, he struggles with some aspects of philosophy. For instance, his argument for morality sounds as if it is an argument from ignorance.
C) Atheism
1) God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything
By Christorpher Hitchens
This book was puzzling to me. At first it starts out as a platform than discussion, and then wraps the chracteristics of religion so bad, that I do not recognise it. For instance, the author makes it sound as if all bad things come from religion, and for the good things that happen, the religious people used secular principles for them. Case close. No further discussion needed.
That said, he makes good arguments against the participants of religion, rather than religion itself. For instance, how religion resulted in the War on Terror and the Crusades.
D) Islam
1) The Myth of the Cross
By A.D. Ajjola
This book examines the central claims of Christianity, but the version I borrowed from the library is riddled with many grammatical errors, making it a hard read.
Nevertheless, I did read it through and was appalled by the line of logic it makes. For example, it says that Jesus claiming to be the Son of Man does not make him divine, as Ezekiel was also called "son of man" in the book of Ezekiel. However, he does not bother to observe the differences of language (the captial letters, for one), the context, the audience and so on. Even if he could not bother to check the original Greek/Hebrew Bible manuscript, he could at least cite someone, which he does not either.
That said, it does give a rough explanation why my Muslim friends do not except Jesus as God.
The future?
Currently I am reading Can a Darwinian be a Christian? by atheist philosopher Michael Ruse. Unfortunately, I have yet to read The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins (because it's on loan in the library). I have read about it (and a lot of other books) though.
I need to read up more about other religions, so if anybody can recommend me anything, go ahead.
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